What does becoming a parent have to do with understanding your patterns at work?
Do you handle a tough conversation with your boss the same way you face rejection or rebellion from your toddler?
Looking inside yourself and recognizing the patterns that keep you functioning—whether at home, at work, or with your friends—is easily the best investment you can make. Sometimes life forces us into this introspection, but you can also choose to start simply for the sake of knowing yourself better, improving your interpersonal skills, and becoming a regulated parent who isn't thrown off balance by your child’s needs.
Tonight, as I put my son to bed, I realized that motherhood is the greatest opportunity I have ever received for personal development. Looking at those curious hands and that innocent, peaceful face, I knew that the key to being a “better” mother is being a better person. And it all starts with self-awareness.
We have all been through turbulences in life. Some, luckily, ended in an emergency landing; some required us to activate a parachute; and some broke their legs and had to learn how to walk again. I consider myself fortunate enough to have landed in the right place every time. Although I often arrived with lost luggage, I always found the right resources to exit dead ends and unhealthy situations.
Recently, I have been presented with the challenge of conscious leadership. The underlying question is: are you truly living—parenting, working, loving, making friends, making choices—by conscious intent, or are you led by old patterns (the scars of your past turbulences), operating entirely on auto-pilot?
Once you answer that question and realize that most of your choices are not actually choices, but reactions, it becomes impossible to look away and not want to discover a new way of living.
When you are a parent—perhaps a single mother responsible for the vast majority of your child’s wellbeing—you naturally start asking yourself: Am I just overwhelmed and overreacting to a child’s needs, or is there something more? Why does the smallest rejection of authority trigger such massive emotional turmoil?
The answer is quite simple: it is not your conscious self responding in those moments, but rather the inner survival mechanisms you built to protect yourself. You know something is off, but the reaction happens so fast you can barely control it, let alone feel it for what it truly is.
Let look at a few examples: your child refuses to respect your rules (bedtime, tidying up, etc.), a colleague misses a deadline on a joint project, you feel belittled in a meeting where you couldn’t speak up, you lack the courage to talk directly to your boss without feeling inadequate, or you cannot say “no” to family members for fear of abandonment.
Each of us has a weak spot. To paraphrase Carl G. Jung, we often call destiny what is actually a series of unconscious threads conducting our everyday lives.
Therefore, the consciousness challenge requires true courage:
First, to notice the behavior.
Secondly, to own it without judgment.
Then, to explore it and find its roots.
Lastly, to imagine yourself without it (and the resistance from your current identity will be tremendous!) and implement small but effective practices to move from reacting to choosing.
This is not a short-term project; it is a life-changing decision. You will start with one aspect of your life, and once you feel confident in your new shoes, you will walk toward others. But believe me, it is never too late to liberate yourself from the unconscious cage and start being the leader—not for control, but for conscious presence—of your own life.
And yes, I feel like a better mother now that I know I am allowed to overreact when my nerves and my body need a break. Those reactions do not define me. I have found the power within myself to choose the person I want to be—and I am not teaching my son perfection; I am showing him humanity.
The exact same applies to my coaching practice and my work. Whatever triggers me falls under my own responsibility. Because of this, I can choose how to respond; I no longer simply react as if I have no other choice.
True leaders can think of their employees much like their little ones: we want to offer them space to simply be, we want results achieved to the best of their abilities, we want them to flourish, and we want them to be loyal because they feel secure and have a clear purpose. We don’t get paid to parent our teams, and the reward isn't measurable, but I am certain that conscious parenting has everything to do with conscious leadership.
If you want to discover more about my transition from an unconscious mother, partner, and employee to the "leader" version of myself, please reach out or comment below. I would be honored to share my story with you.